Your dad touched me again.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
