my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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