Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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