Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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