I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
