oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
