Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
