If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
