Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
