from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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