Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
