During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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