I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
