I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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