I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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