How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do herpes really smell.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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