had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
