I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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