so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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