just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
