arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
