No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.