when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
