you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
