I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
