Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
