Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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