I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
