then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
