I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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