Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
