Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
