I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory