thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.