The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.