just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
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I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out