there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.