Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it hurts more in the daytime
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.