My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.