FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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