its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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