girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
