Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
