My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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