did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize