Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
