I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
