ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
