So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
