my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
