WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
