you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
