If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
