Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
