1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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