i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
