I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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