Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pappa wants mamma naked
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
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I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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