Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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