she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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