My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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