Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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