Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
