So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
