i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
