Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
