Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your cock deserves a montage
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
