I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
