Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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