Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
