Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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