I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
