should my penis look like a turkey
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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