im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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