people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I just put wine in my tea
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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