you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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