ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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