Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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