I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
