She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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