made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
