I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
