Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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