I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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