I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
