remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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